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December 3, 2018 / TeknoKai

God has called me to be his voice for a Special Message…

Hello, people of the internet!   I am back, once again, but I am not here of my own accord.  God has put a special message in my heart, and, against what I think of myself, I am giving myself up to him, so that he may use me to do his will.

I have not always been a faithful believer.  There have been times in my life that I considered myself first agnostic, then atheistic.  I have spent time not wanting to believe that God was real, or there for me.  But over the last year, some things have happened in my life, that stood out like a signpost straight from the Man Himself, and I can no longer deny that God is real, he is loving and caring, and he speaks to us all the time.  We just have to be listening to hear him.

Now, I know more than anyone, that this sounds crazy when you first hear it.  But please bear with me – if you make it to the end of this post, you will hopefully learn something great about me and about yourself.  Just read it with an open mind and an open heart.  God’s grace will fill in all the cracks with his faith.  Just open yourself up to believe.

When I was a young man, I thought I knew it all.  I was very well educated, graduated top of my class in school.  I was convinced that I had all the knowledge I could have ever acquired, and I was ready to meet the world, with all of it’s technological changes, head-on.  I thought I had the sense to let the scientific method of proving things rule my life – that we educated people were better than everybody because we were at the top of the line in our careers, like mine as an Information Technology – first programmer, then manager, and finally consultant, I worked my way up the food chain to the top.  And I thought I had it all.

Then I got sick.  I gained a chronic compression fracture in my spine, that led to bulging discs, and days and days of unending pain, so bad that I got to where I literally can’t get out of bed some days.  I live with this pain every second of my life.  I have had a decade of feeling my resplendent personal pain, so much so that i can describe it in very deep details.  Most of the time, I feel like this:

Imagine licking your finger and jamming it into a light socket.  You get an electrical surge throughout your body, that is just a constant buzzing in the background, and it never goes away.  Now while you have this background electrical buzzing going on, you layer it intermittently with red hot knives slicing through the center of your back, pulsing, usually with every move you make.  Every single movement of leg or arm draws out this inferno of pain, and the only way to deal with it is to lay absolutely still.  When you do that for hours at a time, even taking medication that helps, but is hard to get (opioids), without being in pain management, which I was, until I could no longer afford it.  I couldn’t work anymore, because i couldn’t deal with the daily pain.  So i had no income, and what savings i had were totally depleted in the first couple of years of my problem.  Now here I stand, 8 years down the road, and I have been fighting for my Disability for all that time, and kept getting ignored, and worse yet, not approved, though I could not do for myself anymore at all.  To be in front of an administrative law judge and be denied is the worst day of your life.  But a charity psychiatrist i got to see told me to not give up,  to push forward, and never accept NO as an answer.  So I refiled again, for a different term of years now, and I am going in front of my judge (for the second time, but a new judge) in this upcoming January.  I have lost everything I ever had of value – I sold it for money to by meds to just keep surviving until I have my second chance at court.  During this time I became homeless, and am only surviving by the grace of one aunt who has given me a bed to lie in.  My mother and stepfather are done – I am too much of a burden for them to try to waste time on.  So I am trying, every single day, to survive until I can get the benefits that I spent all my working life paying for, so that I will have insurance coverage that will allow me to go to a real doctor and get real help once again, and maybe prolong my life.

For the last couple of years, however, I have been blessed to find the “Compassion Care Clinic” in Carthage, MS, the town where my Mom and stepdad reside.  This clinic is itself a Godsend,  – They are only open on the 1st Sunday of each month, And they are only open from Noon until about 3:00. But they only see the first 35 people who arrive, so we have to get to the site at around 5:00 AM to be one of the guaranteed first three.  People start arriving around 5:00 and continually wait as others get in line, but everyone has a sense of duty, to go in in theorizer of which they arrived earlier that morning, up until the cutoff number of 35 is reached.  So when I go, I get there at around 5:00 AM and I am usually the 3rd person in line.  You can only see them once every 3 months.  They will only take patients who have no form of insurance, they provide a doctor’s evaluation, and they give you a 90 day supply of whatever medicine the doctor prescribes, if they have it available, so you don’t have to pay way up in money at the local pharmacy for it.  This is all done in conjunction with the local Baptist Church, for as much as it can help.  This gives people like me, with no money and no insurance, a chance to get much needed medical help, for free.  God has made it possible through his charity of church.  Without it, I would not be here today.

Because on top of my pain problem, in the last year I have developed Diabetes Mellitus, better known as type 2 Diabetes – without a very large dose of  charity Metformin both morning and night, my blood sugar will run the gambit of 500 to 600 glucose per deciliter.  Normal is 100.  At 300, they suggest you go to the ER.  When I don’t have medicine, my triples that.  It’s a miracle that I haven’t fallen into a diabetic coma, or gone blind as of yet.  God certainly has his hand on me.  I know this because despite all the tests, and all the results, personally I feel fine.  Other than the pain i have to deal with on a somewhat hourly basis.  I have to trance myself, meditate, and basically pull the pain out of my consciousness.  I have gotten rather good at doing this – but if I make one wrong movement, it all comes crashing back in on me like a tidal wave.

Most of the time my conscious thought is tied up with controlling the pain.  When I get a little relief, I get on the internet (mainly Twitter) or play Pokemon for a few minutes to have something to do to pass the time. Life has certainly not been easy on me for these last 8 years.  and like I said – I have nothing left of my own, except my MacBook air (2011 model) my iPhone 6 Plus, and my nintendo 3DS and Switch.  I was lucky enough to get those last two for Christmas from my family over the last two years.  Other than that – I have only a handful of clothes, mostly worn out, and that’s it.  I have no house.  I have no car.  I have no means of being independent.  But thank the lord, I do have my aunt.  Now, she is 81, and has remarkably recovered from a couple of strokes last January, she gets up and about around the house every day.  When we go to town, we take turns driving her car – She’ll drive one time, and I’ll drive the next, when I am capable.  I don’t know what I’ll do when I lose her – I will literally have no more world to live in.  I pray every day that she still has another 20 or so years left in her.

But back to my original point of this diatribe – since I have gone through the blackest days of my life – trust me, they could not have been any worse, unless I had died – and have come out through the other side, I feel the presence of God all around me.  It’s like having a constant breath of warm arm swirled around your body, giving your mind peace, and relaxing your soul.  I feel it everywhere.  When I am about to do something I shouldn’t, it stops me before I make a huge mistake.  I tend to follow wherever it leads, this nice warm feeling, and when I do something good for someone else, I feel like I have been filled with star shine.  There isn’t any other way to portray it.  But it’s real.  and it’s with me every day.

The first thing i did was throw all religion to the winds.  I realized that every religion is just a pinpoint perspective of the overall universe, and each religion has it’s own do’s and dont’s.  These religious rituals and pathways of being are each formulated for the region of people where the beliefs began.  So if you do away with all religion, you lose

*Global standings of all Religions, by current membership:

Christianity (2.1 billion) Islam (1.3 billion) Nonreligious (Secular/Agnostic/Atheist) (1.1 billion) Hinduism (900 million) Chinese traditional religion (394 million) Buddhism (376 million) Primal-indigenous (300 million) African traditional and Diasporic (100 million) Sikhism (23 million) Juche (19 million) Spiritism (15 million) Judaism (14 million) Bahai (7 million) Jainism (4.2 million) Shinto (4 million) Cao Dai (4 million) Zoroastrianism (2.6 million) Tenrikyo (2 million) Neo-Paganism (1 million) Unitarian-Universalism (800,000)

Do away with all of that and get to the point of 1.  God exists.  2.  He loves us.  3.  We don’t have to be in church, or have a middleman pass on our prayers for us – we can talk directly to God at anytime or anywhere we may be.  This is a fundamental of life.  Honor the holy books of all religions, because they were created for a specific people at a specific time, when mankind needed something to hold onto for the sake of it’s survival.  But now, we have entered an age where we can revere the tomes of the past, but live without the strictures of religious oppression.  We can talk to God anytime we want to.  We don’t have to go to a specific place at a specific time to reach him, unless you want to, personally, for your own self’s sake.  God is kind of like this…

In the ancient days of humanity, it was (forgive the example, I am using Christianity, because it is closest to what I was brought up to believe) Old Testament.   Strict laws, and you’d better follow them or else you’d die.

Then it was New Testament, when we had the birth of Jesus into humanity to lead us all into a new pact with God.  I put forth that we are at a 3rd stage, right now, where we are able to lay aside all the strictures of the past for the times when they were needed, and move on to a “new” spiritual point in our society where we can talk to God directly.  Trust me, He listens.  We have outgrown the rules of days gone by, and evolved into a more personal era of faith between our God and ourselves.  God is God, no matter what name you pin on him, to make it easier to accept things for yourself.  Go beyond what religion has done, trying to keep certain people in their own castes, forcing people to abide by laws that are no longer necessary.  We have grown up, mankind, and our God has grown up with us.  God doesn’t want us discriminating against our own population according to the rules that were handed down from on high, when they were needed back then.  I think God has realized that we have become new, fresh people, who don’t need to guidelines of long past dark history to live by.

We are all becoming more singularly ourselves with access to God than ever before.  We can’t live under the outdated religious rules that were set forth for an much earlier, less evolved people than we are today.  We can choose to cherish those old outdated rituals, if we want to, and use them to make sense of our oh-so-fallibal world, or we can throw those old guidelines and rituals aside and make our own way to connect with the Creator of all things.  I choose to move forward, because if we stay in the past, we’ll be stuck there forever, and there will never be an end to religious prosecution for prosecution’s sake.  There will always be wars, and genocide, and every dark thing man is capable of, unless we stand up and say “No! No more!  We are better than this!”, because He created us in his own image, and has been here alongside us every step we’ve made toward maturity.  He was a stern parent in the beginning, then as we become older and wiser, he was a more loving parent than anyone could hope for, and now – we are old enough that we can see him for the Dad he has been to us throughout all time and space.

We have reached a pinnacle, a turning point, and we need to let go of the past and take hold of the future, because He still wants us to grow and become better people with every new generation, and we haven’t even really started good yet.  Some many good things are to come, and to make life easier, and God’s loving, guiding hand will push us in the right direction.  All we have to do is have faith that he’s there.  And as each one of you grows personally, I have the feeling that you will begin to feel his presence as well.

As a sentient species, we have to realize that the world is changing for the better. We can get rid of all the violence and hate, we can do away with all dictatorships and dominions, and we can all be freely equal to one another, regardless of skin color, or genetic makeup, or personal religious preferences.  This is what God has been leading us to, but sadly most of us aren’t following; rather, we have grown comfortable with the “injustices we know” and are stuck in a past we can’t escape from.  We have to help lead ourselves into the light, and learn that by staying our own present course, we are only “settling” for what we have, not “striving” for something new and fresh and wonderful. And it is wonderful, seen from this side – we have boundless ways to go, and more time to take these precious pathways than ever before, if you just have a little bit of faith, God will not let you down.  Ever.  Whatever your situation, you will miraculously overcome it, if you just believe that you will.

And when you get to a time when you can separate yourself from the infinite madness of everyday life, and take some quality time for yourself, you will be able to feel His presence in your life.  I’m not kidding.  God is real.  He is watching over us, and (if we take the time to listen), telling us which path will be better for us than the other available choices.  You just have to open your mind, and open your heart.  And live with both hands grasping at the future – because the future is what you will make it become.

Now, I have much much more to say on the subject, but this is what God has filled my life with for now, and I’m am brimming over with the joyous news He has given me.  I know that things are going to go my way, without fail, because God is surrounding my body right now, like a warming air that protects me from the coldest cold.  Yes, I literally feel it. And when he urges me to write again, you can be sure I will.  So, goodbye, for now, and I pray that each and every one of you out there gets the tingling jolt in your hands or feet, that lets you know that He is with us, all around us, always, and forever.

Be kind to one another, love your brothers and sisters as you love yourself, and take any chance you get to make one of your brothers and sisters needs be met.  If you can’t help with money, give of yourself, your own time, and attention.  Trust me – it makes all the difference.  May God rain wonderful blessings of hope and strength and courage on you all, till we meet again.  A-men.

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