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October 15, 2014 / TeknoKai

It’s Tuesday night. You know What I’m doing.

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October 14, 2014 / TeknoKai

A Hunter’s Psalm … (reprint)

In keeping with my earlier unarchived post about my favoritest TV show of all, here is another quick reminiscence down memory lane from about a year ago. Hope you guys enjoy! Now, deep breath, and carrying on… Just a few days left of 2014’s Supernatural Hellatus!

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I wrote this as a Facebook post earlier today, but I’m writing it here now because I don’t want to forget it!  

Yea, though I walked through the valley of the Summer of Hellatus, I did fear no evil; For they wert with me – their Impala and their Colt did comfort me, They preparest me a new episode of a new season before the non-fandoms, My Salt runneth over; Surely Family and Dedication will follow me all the days of my Life, And I shall Hunt in the House of Winchester forever and ever, A-men!

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This was actually better for last week’s season premier, but I’m so glad we’re done with Hellatus I want everyone to see!

October 14, 2014 / TeknoKai

Gearing up for season 10…only a week of Hellatus left to go!

Hey, fellow brothers and sisters of the net! I’m sorry I haven’t been on in a while, but with the new car, new job, and basically new life (don’t worry – you aren’t lost, I promise you all the juicy details soon to come!) I just really haven’t had time to do much other than work and live!

Since we’re into the final (thank God, FINALLY!) days of 2014’s nerve-wracking Hellatus, I thought I’d dust off an earlier blog about why I’m the Prodigal Fan of the greatest show on earth. Bear with me, and give it a read, and I promise you, I’ll be back soon with more current updates! Till then, here is “Why I Am the Supernatural Prodigal Fan”, written originally about a year ago. Thankfully, it still holds true to today! Enjoy, and I’ll be talking to you again soon!

Terry

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Hello, my friends!   I have something special I want to share with you today.  Some of you will understand.  Some of you may hate me for it.  Some of you may even forgive me at the end.

I have a feeling that most of the people who will read this blog are people who belong to my “Supernatural Fandom Family”.  Any fan of the show knows immediately what I mean by that statement.  If you don’t understand, you either haven’t watched Supernatural at all, or, for some reason that i cannot empathize with, aren’t a fan.  I personally have never met anyone who watched this show at least once and not became a fan of it.  I am proud to say that throughout the series’ 8 year history, I never missed an episode when it aired live on TV, the night of it’s first airing, for seven whole years.

I have never been able to say that about any other show I have ever watched, but with Supernatural, it’s just … “special”.  There really isn’t a word to define how you feel when you first wish you were riding the roads with Sam and Dean in the Impala, trying to stop some of those nasty “bumps in the night”, or to define how you feel when you  first realize you have made this wish.  I’m glad that the English language is a living and thriving language.  Maybe some day there will be a word to express this feeling.  But no other word I have learned, up till now, will quite do.  So I chose “Special”, because this series really is, and I emphasized it with the quotations to show that I mean it more fervently than I can say.  Or at the very least, type.

But hold on.  You are doing the math in your head, right?  There have been 8 seasons of Supernatural, but I said I had only watched it on original air dates for 7.  Did I make a mistake? Does 2 + 2 now = 5?  Has the universe lost it’s mind?!?!

No, I am afraid you read rightly.  Part of this missive to you, the general people of the Supernatural Fandom of Earth, many of whom I call “family”, though we’ve never ever met in person, is this one simple confession.  And I am all about confessional, because I know that we don’t have forever.  I have been a die-hard, Supernatural fan from the moment I saw the first pilot episode, until one occurrence in season seven caused me to doubt my fundamental beliefs in myself, in this story, and in this Fandom.  I am sorry to say that I lost my faith.  That is kind of the easiest way I can ever put it.  I lost my faith in Supernatural the day Bobby died.

Now, many of you fans have had troubling moments with the show – hell, we all have.  But that was one thing I just could not quite get my head around.  Why?  I’m not sure.  But it left me feeling – empty.

As much as Sam and Dean had lost their “adopted” father figure, so had I.  I know, as all good people do, that nothing lasts forever.  But some things just aren’t right.  There’s nothing you can do to fundamentally shift the facts, but you don’t have to like it.  And so, I got lost.

I can honestly tell you, dear fans, that from the moment Bobby Singer’s character left the show, mine did too.  I don’t know why, but it’s true.  From that moment on, I never watched the “first airing” of new episodes.  I’d wait until my iTunes season pass downloaded it the next day.  Now, I’m not saying I totally left the fandom.  I don’t think I could ever do that.  But I lost that one essential spark that made me, for 7 years straight unending, be at my TV on the night when Supernatural would air, with clear directives to family, friends, and co-workers, that for 1 hour of each week I could not in any way be reached. Not by landline, Instant Message, Text, or Cell.  Everything I had was turned off.   For that 1 hour of “Me” time, when it was just me and the Winchesters.

This may not seem like a big deal to you.  Many people don’t have the privilege of watching their favorite show when it airs – most people DVR it nowadays.  But for a true fan, nothing is quite like the experience of seeing the newest episode unfurl before your very eyes, allowing you to be a part of it.  Anyone who truly loves any show will agree to that.  And for me, once Bobby was gone, the spark just faded away.

I want to point out that this is in a way a good thing.  It proves the chemistry of the actors involved in this show are, and always have been, the perfect mix.  This show would never be where it is today without the key people in the key roles they occupy, even though we always have a bevy of famous guest stars.  Our core Supernatural family has always been Sam, Dean, and Bobby.  And Bobby went away.

So for the remainder of season 7 I watched “the day after” on my appleTV.  Then season 8 started, and I have to make an even worse confession to you all.  I did not watch it at all.

I think somewhere deep inside my heart was broken.  I just couldn’t bring myself to be at home when I knew the show was airing.  I always had emergencies or something I had to do, so that I wouldn’t have to see the two people i have idolized more than anyone else in this world, learn to cope with being just the 2 of them.  So this season, before it even premiered, I had purchased my season pass on appleTV, on the soonest day it went on sale. And every week, I’d get an email from apple telling me that the newest episode was available for me to watch.  And every week I ignored it.  I really can’t say why, but something in me changed this past year, and the changes on my favorite TV show were just too much.  I knew I wanted to know what was happening, but I’d always find a way to say “I’ll save that for next week.”  I got interested in anime.  I have always been interested in anime, but I began consuming it at unfathomable rates, searching out and finding each new anime  storyline and artwork that drew my attention.  I was a glutton, but I was using it to cover the emptiness left in my heart where my Supernatural had been.

So, that brings us to this weekend.  I had nothing better to do than stay at home and sit on the couch – literally there was nothing going on around me for the first time in what seems like ages.  I decided, Friday night, that I had waited long enough. Last week was the Supernatural season 8 finale.  I had seen all my fandom family talking about it for days.  I never read the tweets too closely, because I still hadn’t seen any of this season yet.

So Friday morning I did my weekly shopping, I stocked up on drinks and snack foods and everything you would need to not have to leave home for a weekend, for any reason.  And I started what I called my #SupernaturalLockdown on twitter.  all my tweeps will know they have seen this hashtag at least once this weekend.  I have watched what is a record (for the season and for me!), 23 episodes of Supernatural over the last seventy two hours.  The only breaks i took were to nap, and to eat, and pretty much that’s it.

So now, I am writing to you all from the other side of a 23 episode marathon of Supernatural, one whole season watched over a weekend.  I have never had this many episodes to watch at once, and I never thought I’d do this, except if I got really bored and decided to do a re-watch.  I honestly never thought I’d try something like this, because I never thought I’d put off watching something I had at one time cared so much for that it built into this massive wall.  I had to break through.   Fandom, I’m proud to say that I have never been as happy to do something as I did this.

I don’t know if it was because I was harboring my feelings of being let down, in a way, or because I really just wanted to push out the inevitable storyline that I hadn’t quite gotten into, but I’m glad that I waited and decided to watch this entire season in one go.  Over the past seventy two hours, I have reaffirmed my faith in the Winchesters.  I don’t really know quite what I was expecting, but this has been “literally” one helluva ride.

I have seen characters that have returned from as far back as season 1, only to meet their true final fate.  It was hard to watch many of them.  I don’t know how I would have reacted if I had kept watching weekly, and having one character at a time be killed from the show.  Maybe I can only handle what I have seen because I did start watching all at once.  I’m not sure, and there are a lot of “maybe’s”.

But one thing I do know – with all my heart – something is “back” in this special show.  I felt, as I am sure many fans have, that things have happened that seemed to stretch out or make bland the once truly “popping” story lines that occurred week after week.  I guess I just saw it fading casually from inside my relationship with the show, the actors, and the stories I’ve thought of for years.  And regretfully, I gave up.  I drifted away to a “comfortable distance” and had every intention of staying there.  Until I decided to have my own personal marathon.

Something special happened in season 8.  No, it wasn’t the appearance of Demons or Angels, because those have been popping up regularly since the show’s second season.  It wasn’t the few mythological gods or goddesses we saw this season either; our boys are not new to having to kill an annoying deity or two.  No, much of this season has been the tension that has been released between our boys, Sam and Dean.  For several seasons, everything they did seemed to wind them up tighter and tighter until it was painful to watch.  I remember thinking to myself that this was an ever growing powder keg, and I was kind of afraid of the mess it made when it exploded.   And then we lost Bobby.

That simple fact made the distance between the brothers at the start of this season dissipate – they finally realized that in the whole wide world, there will always only be the two of them.  I miss Bobby.  Badly. Maybe my actions are a reflection of my personal way of expressing my grief.

But now, having watched this season to it’s conclusion (and it has been nothing less than stellar), I find myself re-energized with a longing for the Winchesters that I didn’t realize I had lost.  It’s like a hunger has returned, and I want now, more than ever, to be the fan who’s there at there at the break of every news article, every press release, every teaser and trailer, and every whisper through the digital nation about what our boys are up to now.  I didn’t really feel like I had left my post in the Fandom, but now I realize that I very much did – because I can only have this feeling of “coming home” to something that I actually left.

So now, fellow fans, I want to proudly proclaim from the rooftops that I have been a “Born-Again” part of the Supernatural Fandom.  As awesome as this fandom is, I don’t think anyone will hold it against me.  At least I hope not.  But I feel for the first time in a long time that I’m truly excited about something that I know I was once excited about all the time, and that I had thought I was always excited about in some way or another.  It’s kind of like a thirst that can’t quite be quenched.  It’s full of fire, and passion, anger, and rage, and everything in between.  And I’ve got it back.  I’m telling you, I remember why I have always listed this show in my top favorites, why I have tried to recruit over the years as many fans as I could, and why I have always been proud to be a part of the #SupernaturalNation.  I honestly feel regret that I stopped my weekly time with the Winchesters.  And I have thoroughly enjoyed the last seventy two hours with them nonstop.  While I have always been a member of our big #SPNFamily, I’m proud to say that I’m back at the forefront of our legions, proclaiming our love for our companionship and our show across the digital world.  I’m sorry I left you, my greatest Supernatural Family, but I’m thrilled that I have come home again.  Now, I wait with baited breath for the next part of our story to start.  “Hell-aitus” actually has real meaning for me again.  Honestly, I don’t think I could be any happier than I am right now.

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Are you a member of my extended Supernatural Family?  If so, please leave me a comment here, on my twitter, or on Facebook.  I feel like I’ve been missing something for a while now, and I just realized what it is.  I’d love to hear from you.

Terry

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Update 10/14/2014 – here we are again at the cusp of a new episode! Updating this post because it’s relevant.

October 11, 2014 / TeknoKai

A New Campaign is up at GoFundMe.com

Just a quick update to let you know about a campaign I have going on over at GoFundMe.com. Check it out here! http://www.gofundme.com/fok6t4 #gofundme

July 10, 2014 / TeknoKai

2014 – The Summer of Sizzling Reads!

Hey, fellow Netizens!

 

Teknokai here again from the heart of Mississippi.  And here in the South, the temperatures aren’t the only things that are sweltering!  

Today I’m here to tell you about not 1, not 2, but 4 new books that have come out in the last couple of weeks or so, by four of my all time favorite authors in the Urban Fantasy genre.  There are so many great books dropping that I’m calling 2014 the “Summer of Sizzling Reads”! 

First, back at the beginning of June we got the 15th novel in the Dresden Files series by author Jim Butcher, “Skin Game”.  If you aren’t familiar with this series, I highly recommend it.  It’s my favorite all-time Urban Fantasy series, and it centers around Harry Dresden, a Chicago Private Eye who also happens to be a practicing wizard.  He’s even in the phone book-under “Wizards”.  The Dresden Files has seen him through the last 15 years or so of his life to date.  And boy, what a life it has been!  From an all-out vampire wars with the Perilous Red Court to till today, and Harry’s current status as the Winter Knight to none other than Queen Mab of the Unseely Court of the Fae, it’s a thrill ride you won’t want to miss!

Secondly, is “Shattered”, the 7th novel in Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles.  The Iron Druid Chronicles centers around Atticus O’Sullivan, the last living Druid – or, at least he was, for the last 2,000 years!  Now he has successfully trained his apprentice, Granuelle McTiernen, as well as saved his Archdruid 9the one who taught him Druidry) Owen O’Kenneady, from stasis on a time frozen island in Tier Na N’og where the Morrigan had left him for the last 2,000!  Atticus has maintained his (and his friends’) youthful forms using a drink concoct called “Immortali-Tea” (something I wish I could get ahold of!) and he and Granuelle are accompanied by their faithful Irish Wolfhounds, Oberon and Arla, whom they have forged telepathic bonds with and taught English.  This audiobook is especially special to me because it is narrated by the ever wonderful Luke Daniels, and trust me – nobody could get Oberon down quit like Luke has.  

Thirdly in this massive Summer of hot novels is the crew of Monster Hunter International, by the awesome Larry Correia.  Monster Hunter International focuses on a crew of Internationally Professional Monster Hunters based in where else, but Alabama.  Here in their 5th outing, “Monster Hunter Nemesis”, they are back again to travel the world, basically kill Monsters, and collect US Government PUFF – money from the Perpetual Unearthly Forces Fund set up from before America was a country almost, and set aside to pay the bounties on Monster Heads.  This series is always funny, always extremely fast paced, and a genuine gem of Supernatural goodness!

Fourth in my list, but by no means last, comes an offering by the great Molly Harper, the only female author in this list, “Better Homes and Hauntings”.  I don’t think this book exactly falls into either of her main story lines, the Jane Jameson, Vampire series or the Half-Moon Hollow series, but I have to include it because Molly Harper has become to me the Goddess of Snark – a true Queen of Comebacks.  No one else that I have ever read has managed to keep me rolling on the floor laughing at a simple quip or return like she does.  For that, she deserves her own pedestal among all my other favorite authors.  But she is, first and foremost, a Mississippi Girl as well, and you know what they say – you can take the writer out of Mississippi, but…

Anyway, that’s it for today’s update.  Now that we’re kind of caught up with literature – my next update will probably be about all the delicious anime piling up in my Crunchyroll queue – or may about all the TV shows I’m behind on in Hulu Plus.  Regardless, it’ll be worth watching for at least a laugh or two.  I may even get my nephew to do a cameo – if I can get him away from Minecraft for long enough!  Either way, it’ll be something good to talk about until October, when Supernatural returns to TV on the CW and the lovely lady Anne Rice releases her newest offering, “Prince Lestat”. Now, that’s one that I’ll definitely be waiting in line for!

Till next time,

 

Terry

June 12, 2014 / TeknoKai

California by Christmas…

Hello, fellow Netizens.  

I hope today finds you well and happy.

I am going to make it a point to post more often than before.  To keep myself motivated, and to keep away the dull banality of everyday life.  After my last life altering revelation to you, I am on the brink of my new beginning.  But I think I need your help!  You see, I have a set of goals for myself for this year – that I’m gonna reach or die trying to – and I need some suggestions from you, my friendly social media friends.  I want to accomplish this list by Christmas – and I’m going all out to do it.  Starting today.  So if you have any ideas that I can use to reach my goals, please let me know what they are!

 

Here is my plan:

1) Money in the bank

2) New Car

3) Job in LA

4) Place to stay in LA

5) Someone special in my life

 

See?  Nothing too drastic or difficult. Hmph.  OK – Let’s get to work on this…

Till next time…

June 10, 2014 / TeknoKai

The Beginning of the Second Half

Hello Internet Family…

Yes, this is still me.  For the first time since I created this blog I am talking to you all as family, rather than fellow citizens on the net – hence the lack of the Netizen introduction.

First off, I have to say – wow.  I’m still here.  There are many, many reasons I why I shouldn’t be, but despite them all I am still here.  And now that I am here and I have clarity of mind again, I still just have to say “Wow.”   Bear with me for a moment, and you’ll probably understand why.

You all know me as a pretty straight shooter.  I try my best to explain, via this blog, the most important things occurring in my “personal solar system”, and most times, I manage well.  I don’t try to “put on airs” or be pretentious, I just mainly go about the normal everyday business of being me.  Except something happened since the first of the year that definitely wasn’t part of my everyday business.  But I’ll get to it in a moment.  It’s a rather stark and unforgiving situation, one which I would like to prepare you for with a healthy amount of cushioning before we broach the subject, just so you will have the comfort of soft laughing thoughts to keep you sane.  So let’s take a step back and look at the end of last year first, before we get to the treasure trove that is 2014…

Last November I turned 40.  I thought nothing happened.  In my mind I said, “See?  All that stuff I’ve heard about midlife crises had to have been made up.  You hit 40, you’re fine.  Don’t worry!”  And for most of the end of last year – at least through Christmas – that’s what I told myself repeatedly.  I told myself that so often that I actually  started to believe it.  Then came the new year.  I partied with friends (the few I have left in this world), and we saw a pretty nice new year taking shape up until about February.  I say February because Valentine’s day is the first domino in this chain of events I am laying down before you.  Yes, I spent this Valentine’s day alone.  Again.  And I tried to pretend it didn’t matter, but it opened a tiny little hole in my heart.

I got involved in playing Pokemon, a game I have loved for many, many years because I shared it with my little brother in the early days, and now, I play online with my nephew – my little brother’s son – and it’s almost like I’m back  at the height of my youth and vitality (in my mind) for just a little bit.  I beat the game.  Heck, I actually collected all 718 of the Pokemon.  Still have them, waiting for the next generation of games to be released so I can use them again.  But still all this left a hole in my heart.

I’m not sure when, or exactly why, but that little hole got steadily bigger and bigger until about April.  As it was growing, it was steadily trying to pull me down into it’s black center.  I was at the point where I was like one of those hollowed out Easter Bunny Chocolates – everything looked normal and enticing on the outside, but inside there was just, nothing.  I was a shiny new shell of a person without anything inside to fill me up fundamentally, and I was starting to crack!

And then I made the most fundamental decision a person can ever make – and I  made an attempt at suicide.  I simply came home from a bad day of ever worsening feelings about where my life was, and was going, and I downed a bottle of pills and threw myself across the bed hoping to just shut the never-ending fervor and noise of life down.  I was tired.  And I really, at that one point, decided that I didn’t have it in me to fight any more.

But then a wonderful thing happened.  I woke up.  It was about two days later and I felt like living Hell, but I still woke up.  and in the first few moments of regained consciousness, I realized what an ass I’d been – what I had just oh so carelessly tried to throw out with the day’s debris.  And I took a deep breath, and realized that I loved the feeling of filling my body with gallons and gallons of air over and over again because it felt so good to just be alive!  I have since been through a stay at the lovely St. Dominic’s Centre, and I have made connections to people to talk to.  And that is one of the things I had been missing most in my life – the act of simple conversation with another living person.  About anything, everything, and nothing at all.  Just having a friendly ear to talk to was the best thing on earth.

That was a couple of months ago, now.  That, my friends, is the reason I have been absent of late.  I just reached a point in my life where I finally had to face every bad decision, every hard choice full on at once.  And it almost broke me.  But I’m so glad it didn’t.

Looking back now,  I have a purity of consciousness  that I lacked at that moment.  I watched myself become a person who felt that “literally” the world was crashing down on me – I was at point 0 – I had nothing left to lose because I had already lost it all, and I didn’t know what to do to fix it.

I realized, with that first awakening, after I had tortured my soul over how I came to be where I was at that particular time, that I had been wrong.  I had everything to lose, I just couldn’t see it for the garbage that was in the way.  I had a soul altering experience and I managed to shed the weight of every single bad choice, every incorrect path I’d taken, and every decision made not with true contemplation, but with rash pride; the “get me what I want now” option that never ends up being what you really want.  It was all gone.  Just, gone.  The badness I felt around me that I can’t really describe in words (which is a very ironic torment for someone who claims that words are his tool of choice) was gone, and I felt a clarity, and emptiness that felt comforting.  A comfort that I had not felt in years because I had been burdened with an immeasurable weight.

In that moment, when my life could have literally gone one way or the other in a very finite fashion, I remember feeling like I was stuck in a moment of timelessness.  Memories of things that hadn’t crossed my mind in a quarter of a century broke the surface of my thoughts.  I had put myself in a place where I had nothing to lose because I literally had nothing!  I had somehow unconsciously made (over the last few years) myself take everything I had that I valued and either destroyed it, gave it away, or lost it –  so that I was left living in a very literal minimalist environment.  I did not care for things because I didn’t have things to care for.  Basically, I had put up a wall of absolute nothingness around my heart, and convinced my mind that it wasn’t there any more.

And in that moment, I can remember – I felt like my body had melted into absolute nothingness, and all that was left of me was this tiny spark of thought, and I looked out into the void – and saw beauty.  It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  I shall probably spend the rest of my life trying to repaint the scene from that timeless moment, and I will never come close.  But the point is – in that apex moment I could have seen utter oblivion, or nothing-ness, a void absent of anything but empty darkness.  In fact, i think that was what i had prepared myself for.  Yet what I did see was light, and varied colored hues from across the whole spectrum.   Instead of emptiness, I felt a great presence of being, growing stronger with every breath.  I felt warmth instead of cold, and finally realized that I am, have always been, and always will be a part of the Something of Creation.   Where I had prepared myself to see the dark, open endlessness of Nothing, instead I found light, warmth, and peace.

Need I say that I felt changed?

I still remember that moment, although more and more vaguely, like a receding dream.  Sometimes, memories from that moment are crystal clear and vivid,  taking hold of my conscious thought and spurring me on to action (such as writing this experience down for the benefit of others),  and sometimes they are hazy and vague, like the very first threads of a story starting to come together.  Regardless of whether the memory is sharp, clear and vibrant, or if it is lazily smoothed by the vaguest of intent, I am here now to tell you that I am changed.   I am not the same person I was in the first 40 years of my life.  That person was a machination of me that I created  – the shape and size of me to fill reality, and all dressed up with the best accessories that could be found, yet hollow and empty at its very core.

I would have never admitted to it in the past, but I was taking  small parts of myself and creating placeholders in reality for others to see – showing them only what they wanted and expected to see of me, while the real “me” was kept just half a step outside reality to be safe – where I couldn’t really be hurt.

But now, I have the overwhelming feeling that that I need to be back in synchronicity with reality.  I don’t need to create shades of myself to put before others.  I truly have to man up, step up, and take my place.  Because I am here for a reason.  I don’t yet know what particular reason it is, but I fully believe with all my heart that on that day when I thought I was seeking a reprieve from life, instead, I found God, and he let me know that there is a part in this life that I have yet to play.  Does this mean that I am suddenly a perfect Christian? No.  It just means that I know my relationship with my Creator is implicitly explicit.  My God knows me and I know Him, and where once I saw only a sky filled with blackness and cold, unfathomable emptiness, there is now a heaven filled with light and warmth and the where the fires of creation sing melody with every new star they bring into reality.  I know that that there is a Creator, filling the universe with life and joy, rather than having all things joyful fade away into the empty blackness of the void.  I know that I am running toward life,  rather than watching a life pass me by as I once stood by, empty-handed and empty hearted.  My point of perception of this living universe has changed.  I am beginning to see wonders beyond measure that have always existed, but I was blinded to them because I lacked the Faith of their existence.

So friends, that is what I wanted to share with you today.  Yes, I have been gone for a long time.  Much longer than I realized, but I am back now.  I am here. I am not quite the one who was here before, but I believe I am better than he was.  And I hope that I will be even better with every passing day.

I think I have honestly said goodbye to the first half of my life, and the second half is full of wondrous new beginnings that hopefully will have wisdom  that the first half lacked.

Till next time…